


the essence of a breakup.

by jeonginks



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/F, F/M, Just angst, couple fighting that is all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:26:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23370157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeonginks/pseuds/jeonginks
Summary: bringing food over has always been a joyful thing for you to do, but things have taken a drastic turn this time around.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Reader
Kudos: 31





	the essence of a breakup.

You knocked on the studio door, the plastic bag filled with takeout boxes rustling as you struggled to hold onto all of them. You had made a small trip to the dance practice room only to find nobody there. Assuming the boys have already finished with their daily hours of training, you turned and headed to the studio room in hopes to find Chan working in there.

The door opened and revealed chan standing behind it with exhaustion written all over his face. Your brows furrowed in concern when he greeted you with weariness in his voice, opening the door carelessly before he stumbled back to his seat and faced the computer screen. You walked in, more concerned about his state than upset that he didn’t seem too ecstatic to see you. 

“Hey, you seem tired,” you pointed out as you placed the food on the couch resting behind the table. “I got you guys some food. I went to the practice room you guys are always at but you weren’t there.”

“Yeah, we finished an hour ago,” he muttered, “You would know if you paid some attention.”

Your nose scrunched in confusion. Where did that come from? It could just be exhaustion speaking. you couldn’t expect Chan to be at his best with a comeback coming up a close deadline and all the promotions needing to be done after that. Pursing your lips, holding back a knot at the tip of your tongue, you apologized, “Alright. my mistake.”

His shoulders visibly dropped, both in relaxation and nervousness. Reaching over to his phone, he clutched it tightly as he contemplated whether he should ask about what he saw on social media. It could very well cause a scene, he knew that, and he wondered if he should let things be as they were because he wasn’t sure if he could handle being agitated at a time like this.

Glancing down at his phone, he heaved a sigh.

But he really needed to know.

“Did you go out with him yesterday?” He asked, “to drink and all that.”

You paused, your back trembling slightly at the sudden start of interrogation. you knew who he meant, He was talking about your best friend, whom you have turned to constantly recently due to the lack of time chan was able to provide you. But it was nothing special. You two simply hung out, you two went shopping and ate food and drank beer. it was all friendly and chaste, yet somehow you felt the need to lie to him.

“No, I didn’t,” you said, “Why?”

“You didn’t?” Chan breathed out a sarcastic chuckle, then he turned around on his chair so he could show you his phone. A picture of you and your best friend was visible, posted on Instagram just yesterday night. “Then what is this? yOU are tagged.”

You licked your lower lip. That was careless of you, you should have known he would be the one to lurk around social media. If he could know what the hot topic among his fans is, he would know the things you or your friends have posted on social media. Clasping your hands together, “Okay, yeah. We went out yesterday for chicken and beer. but that was it.”

Chan sighed in defeat. He turned back around to put his phone down and he gulped down a hole through his chest, “You… disregarding the fact that you lied to me, have I not told you before that I don’t like it when you go out with him alone. and you didn’t even tell me.”

“Chan, I–you can trust me, you know that, right? Nothing is going on between us. I have known him longer than I have known you! If anything was to happen, it would have already,” you retorted calmly, hands clasped together to stop the shaking. “I promise there is nothing going on between me and him.”

The atmosphere was none that you have experienced with Chan before. He always lights up the room for you, no matter how grim the situation is. The empty spaces within your understandings created a giant gap within the few inches both you and Chan were actually stuck in.

You felt alone, confused; he was intangible, completely out of reach.

“For the record, I only lied to you because I didn’t want you to throw a tantrum,” you said honestly.

“A tantrum? When have I ever thrown a tantrum?” Chan tilted his head, not smiling at your honesty.

Your brows furrowed as you looked up at him. That was not the response you were expecting. You had not expected him to take offense to that at all, but then again, you just lied to him and he was already exhausted. Even if you want to blame him, it would only make the matter worse, so you shook your head and replied.

“No, you never did. I was wrong, okay? I was wrong.”

A scoff escaped his lips as he turned away upon your dismissive attitude. Clenching his jaw, he failed to suppress the rage that he had bottled up in his chest. The lid popped off and he retorted, with ease, “Look at you, you’re trying to run away again. It is so like you.”

You clicked your tongue, genuinely irritated now. This was not how things were supposed to unfold. You were supposed to bring food over, you would be happy to see him just as Chan would be happy to see you. You two were supposed to rekindle the fire that had been flashing dangerously under the rainstorm of distance in the studio, and everything was supposed to be great, perfect.

How did everything lead to this?

“Running away? From what? There is nothing happening right now, Chan,” you said.

“God, you are denying there is even a problem to begin with–“

“Oh, would you please just–I have never run away from anything, Chan. I always want to talk, I always want to solve everything,” you cut him off quickly, glaring at him and standing up to assert your anger, “You’re the one who avoids everything. When have you ever given me the time of day to talk about our problems? Last time I checked, you are always busy doing something, Chan!”

“Look at you, (Name). Does this sound like talking to you?” He raised his voice, mirroring your action immediately, “You never want to talk. You just want me to stand here so you can yell at me for everything that I have done wrong in this relationship, so you can feel better about yourself!”

“Right, so you can raise your voice at me but if I so much as complain about not being able to spend enough time with you, I am yelling,” you nodded with a shrug, then your uncomfortable arms crossed before your chest so they could have something to do, “I can’t be unsatisfied about anything anymore because you always think I’m nagging at you–“

“See? You’re doing it again, you’re blaming me again!” Chan ran a hand through his hair before his hands dropped to his sides. His glare never once faltered. It was like he stopped knowing how to soften at your presence anymore.

“I am trying as hard as I can. I make time for you, I really try, but somehow nothing is ever enough for you! I do everything wrong, and you remind me of that every single time we meet!” He said, his voice slightly trailing off to something close to a desperate tone. “I am already stressed enough, (Name). And I want to not have to hear you say this and that about me whenever we see each other, I really don’t want to!”

You pursed your lips together but the trembling didn’t stop. Tears welled up in your eyes at the sight of Chan’s bloodshot eyes, and your vision was starting to get blurry. Shifting your weight, you glanced down at the ground and spoke with a raspy voice, “I just… I just wanted to see you more often, that’s all.”

“I know,” he nodded, “But I just… I would really love it if you can stop complaining so much about it. It makes me feel really bad that I can’t give you what you want.”

“You don’t think it makes me feel bad too?” You asked, sniffing, “Why do I have to lessen my pain to give you what you want–“

“You know, I warned you before we started dating that time would be really tight for the both of us and we might not be able to see each other as often as we would like to,” Chan muttered, “But you walked into this anyway.”

A gasp left your lips, and the tears finally fell, “Are you saying this is my fault? That I shouldn’t have chosen to be in a relationship with you?”

There was not one trace of tenderness in Chan’s voice as he spoke, and to be frank, neither were there any in yours. Both of you were too busy trying to justify yourself to the other and too busy wanting to force the other person to give up first.

But Chan was done standing like a log and letting you scream to him about his incompetence, and you were done putting the burden on yourself so you could appear supportive and not clingy.

“I… I don’t know anymore,” Chan shrugged, his eyes watery and heavy as he looked at your hunched figure.

His heart has fallen. It stretched down his ribs, knocked out of his skin and broke itself falling to the ground. His skin was all tingly and painful, his cheeks heating up the more you sobbed in front of him. And his mind was confused and remorseful, unsure to whose fault this altercation was exactly but at the same time, hoping that he never asked you the godforsaken question.

For the first time, he was reluctant to hug you for comfort. He wasn’t sure if you want him anywhere near you at all. But hearing you cry was doing nothing to his vulnerably kind soul, so he tentative took a step forward and he placed a hand on your shoulder to see how you would react.

You perked up only a little, and when you saw him glancing at you with tears brimming in his still loving gaze, you only sobbed more into your hands. Taking the lack of protest as a sign of consent, Chan pulled you slowly into his chest and embraced you tightly. He patted your back in a soothing manner, and he thought he would be willing to stand here for an hour if that was what you needed.

“I’m so sorry,” you said first, hiccuping between gasps.

Chan pulled away so he could look at you. He pouted faintly at your puffy eyes, and as his throat croaked out a weak noise, his hands reached over to wipe away your tears gently as he would.

His voice was softer now, “I’m sorry too. I love you.”

You laughed through the lingering pain that penetrating your heart, and you nodded, “Mmhmm, I love you too.”

It was real. Both of you meant what you said. The apology and the love confession that came after it. Even when you two were arguing, you could not remember a second when your heart actually stopped beating for him. And the way Chan had pulled towards him told you the same tragic story.

But standing before him right now, the room did not appear any brighter than before. It was still dim and gloomy.

“What do we do now?” You asked quietly, your hand sliding down to his wrist.

Chan could only shake his head, a weak ‘I don’t know’ leaving his lips.

With that, you gave a short tug at the hem of his shirt. Then you fell into his arms once again just so you could remember the shape of his body, to remember how it felt to feel his chest breathe along with yours, to remember his powerful scent stained on his shirt.

Because it felt like you would not be here again in a really long time after you step out of the studio.


End file.
